Sad and Suicidal.

Man. I used to happy and jolly kid. I was happy in my world which was not perfect but at least sorted.
Things elevated, I was doing good in life but do you know what happened then?

I fell in a well that was incorporated by anxiety, depression and overthinking.
They were so addictive and got me like they were my old lost friend. they stuck with me like they really cared for me and they kept on pulling me backward toward them, pulling me apart from the tantrums of the fake hollow world. they dragged me down to that depth from where things were jet black and vision was definitely not there, when I thought I could escape the well. Then I realized now it was too late to even think of escape.

No way of coming out of this depth less well came to my senses. I was so numb at that time but now I knew that these things (anxiety, depression and overthinking) took me so the depth of myself that I lost in myself.

Hope for coming out of this well died with the death of the same old person I used to be. Now I am a sad and suicidal human body
with no feelings, some called me robot some calls me mean (they even don’t know how a robot can be mean).

I never share my feelings with anyone because I don’t have any. They always thought I’ve been holding on too many things.
I don’t know what to tell them, I just give them a fake cute smile and leave them because they are happy people and don’t deserve to get their life darkened by a dark boy like me.

Now, I just move and lay, listen but don’t say. People sometimes call me fake, I got really confused what and whom they are referring to?
does my existence make any sense? does my non-existence will make any difference?

Sadness is not fake neither suicides are planned.

Note:  All the guys out there with the sad and suicidal mindset just remember you are not weak neither you are any less, you will bloom and be happy and remember its all inside us. Just don’t give a damn about what people have to say.

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We used to be friends.

You were the sweet person I’ve picked among the rush of the mean and dense place,
literally, i was happy with you and I really enjoyed talking with you.

Slowly, we were coming closer and our shyness bond seems to be broken as our trust bond were going stronger. You were kinda interested in me, don’t you? You enjoyed being with me, tell me it’s true.

I’ve left my few friends for you and you left some for me. We were like the almost same person living two different lives.

But you’re busy right now? Is it? Oh! seems like I was a boring time pass material for you now.
Why did you step backward? Why you did this?
do I’ve done any wrong to you? is there any sin I’ve committed?
you are busy now. maybe I am too dumb to seek your attention or maybe our friendship was still weak.

we used to friends until you start acting fake, we used to be friends until I’ve given up taking the fake acts of you that I couldn’t take.

Image Source: Google Images

Faded Emotions.

It’s our nature that we get affected or influenced by something or anything that we found
attracting so easily. We start thinking about that particular thing so frequently and starts doing things in order to acquire that very thing in an every possible way we can.

Be it be that video game that small boy lusts for or may it be the latest crush you’re having on that very particular hottie or geeky of your hood, these small pleasures we get just by thinking our life with these things makes us happier for a moment but when reality strikes and whoof! it’s all gone.

These temporary things that we do for our dopamine reward system trap are momentary pleasures that make us happy.

But feelings fade and ignorance comes, ego builds up and bond weakens up
and relationship breaks.

• Ever wondered, when we were all child how vast is our imagination process was?
  ever wondered, how adulthood made all of us so dumber and a piece of flesh with pumping heart?
• Ever wondered, we are the most intelligent yet selfish egoistic!
• Does it hurt you when you suck at texting first?
• Does it pain you when you suffer from social anxiety and interacting with people haunts you?

     Yes, it does.

Till I Collapse…

Fake a smile to me,
Tell me it’s all good.
Don’t tell me harsh truths,
Keep away the negatives from me Till I Collapse…

Hollow man doesn’t hold feelings inside it,
Don’t you know that?
Shattered feelings are kept on a temporary shelf,
It’s all functioning for a moment Till I Collapse…

Till I Collapse, I can fake a smile,
Eyes open wide but mind wandering across long miles.
Tell my loved ones that I loved them from the depth of my heart,
Loved the way I could, Instead of I never knew how to show love.

Can you do me a favor, can you be a listener to my sorrow for while?
Would you not be judgemental and ashamed of me for a while,
Lets fake a smile and be happy till we both collapse in pain,
the joys never experienced, the places never explored, the talk we never had and the things we never done!

Screams and Shouts

I always can’t confront the ugliness I hold.
It makes me cry when I cannot handle my craziness.
In a room full of people I can’t focus even on a single thing and I can’t
help myself. My heart screaming goes like “Why, Why and Why?”

I cannot open up to people because I always think how they gonna react
when get to know my secrets will they leave like everybody else or they gonna make fun of me?
Again my heart screaming goes like ” Why, Why and Why?”

Room filled with lots of smart people forces me to be like them;
I simply cannot be like them because I never wanted to grow up, because I never
wanted to be in a jail of thoughts, All I ever wanted is to dive deep into the ocean of wanderlust.
All I have ever wanted is to be in a forever sleep where only sweet dreams should be my guide to the beautiful world of the Disney-type kingdoms.

All these Shouts and Screams go out in my mind making me feeling uneasy and prevent me from being sane.

These Shouts and Screams are now part of my mind now, Where can I run from myself and for how long?

Every day I woke up with a thought to pass the day! What is this life?
Is there anyone who can help and calm these screams, they are so bad and are slowly killing me,
you and all of us.

I cannot tell how helpless I cannot tell what I am going through and how badly I need someone
shoulder to cry upon. Will you give me that shoulder, Will you be the one?

My Shouts and Screams does not show mercy on me anymore, it makes my heart suffocate and
my mind goes numb and again all in all what I left with is a Question:
“Why, Why and Why?”

Human touch is good, but humans are not. They are complicated. They get attracted by things
and forgets people so easily which hurts, it does.

I can go along and elaborate it in more but these Shouts and Screams won’t stop…

Thanks for Reading. All the love.

 

Confronting is hard!

I stepped outside, they stared at me
Holding ugliness, I ignored all of them.
Been observing everybody,
I didn’t let anybody know.

They wanna say something disturbing,
They want to put my morals down.
Their eyes told me something,
I saw the reflection of their thoughts.

No, No, I didn’t tell them,
I’d rather put up my cover of fakeness and gave a smile.
People are hard, Confronting people is hard.
I was frustrated, on the verge of exploding!

Back to the room,
Put down the fake cover.
Peeped down inside my soul,
There is darkness but no issues because at least it wasn’t fake.

Isn’t that funny?

Do you ever think why we are here for,
Does it amuse you or is it just me?
Isn’t that funny we do things that hardly matters,
Is it that compulsory to hurt each and everything we came across?

Does it feels any good when we disturb things unnecessarily,
Are people ever gonna understand this, ever?
Is it compulsory to make it rhyme every time,
Isn’t it okay if I keep it simple?

Let’s be sorted for a moment,
Let’s don’t pretend for a moment, come on we’ll keep it simple.
But Isn’t that funny we never get out of our unreal mind barriers?
It’s kinda funny, we always roam across temporary dopamine traps.

It is funny how we forget things so easily which meant to us something,
Do you believe? If I tell you that it’s all planned but we don’t know the plan?
Isn’t that funny we cry for the same thing which makes us laugh,
It’s so funny how we live, Isn’t it?

 

Boy so dumb!

In a city of princes,
He was the blurry face.
In the choices of queens,
He was placed at the lower face.

He stands apart from crowd,
Enjoys his own company and makes himself proud.
Crowd calls him weird, he didn’t respond,
Compliment hurts him now because criticism made him strong.

The boy is so dumb he didn’t take care of his choices,
He gets into troubles by hearing his mind’s wild voices.
He seems so extra society calls him fake,
But he’s too lousy too respond because he lives life at his own stake.

He told me…

He told me, the world is a huge place
He told me, people have two face
He told me, it’s okay to be alone
He told me, don’t be a clone.

He told me to stand apart-
don’t ignore the nature and indulge in art.
He told me, it doesn’t matter in the end
He told me, we all get buried under the sand.

He is me and I is he now,
When did this happen, I don’t know how?

But It’s horrifying as he didn’t respond to my queries!

Where the artistic ‘He’ went? Do you know? Are you?

Maybe someone murdered him or maybe it’s me…

 

Odd among the Even.

All these pretty boys and girls,
24 karat pure gold, all are pure pearls.
Being there I am ruining the picture,
Seems like the Odd one having the seizures.

I am the only odd in the frame so bright,
Turning down the quality, like bad dream on a dark night.
The World is full of people so even, even is the majority,
I’d chose to be different so I better stay in the minority.

All in all, I am the odd among the even scene,
Just like an offensive humorous sarcastic meme.
Maybe sometimes my poems didn’t match the perfect rhyme,
But it’s fine because I didn’t belong to the world so fine.

It’s not easy to be like this all the time,
It feels like you are missing when happiness is giving you a chime.
We Odd ones are pretty souls who don’t follow any norms,
We do not give rights to our life to anyone else, it’s our life and that’s why we’re born!