of the instance, I woke up from my hibernation
that nuisance abyss caused me entire sanity
with a toddler like nonsense issues leftovers in my mind
Did I forget how to communicate?
power of cosmos seemed to be cut out as I closed my eyes
fondle or hit but make my nerves to make me feel alive
my memory glass breaks every day; vision gets obscure
& quest to know who I am today never end?
I forgot how to communicate;
prize out words out of me, tell me who I’m
for the type of person I’m becoming, it haunts me every night
look me in the eyes, poise me with euphoric possessions
stretched psyche reside in me
like two souls keep on colliding within
one is hippie wanderer grounded and carefree
other is corporate buff hypebeast kinda sellout
one wants me to cruise on my own, far so far
other one drags me on a highway of hustle to fulfill the tasks
tasks that never ends
between these two, I forgot who I was
what makes one happy, makes another cry
lobes of my brains are stretched up but hopes are high
like a single father I nourish both these children of the mind
starving and suffocating the life which meant to be mine
on some days I don’t want to escape my bed
just to stare onto the ceiling wondering if
it falls onto me and there’s no tomorrow
whilst my tears falls continuously onto my bed-sheet
on some days I shout in pain and cries in lies
cries that everyone hears and no one understands
and by so I die just a little every day
while my heart questions; what if I die tomorrow?
on some days I wanna die
die so young and left all this behind
this monotonous wrecked up customs;
running after mirages of the cinematic worlds
selling ourselves to click baits costing us our self-esteem
like price-tags we became a mere entity of numbers
making sense out of showing off, burying down the generosity
digitally dying slowly, slowly dying digitally
sometimes it gets over my head
tryst went cybernated and it is excruciating
living in a constant state of fear of missing out
what I’ve to do get rid of this obscenity?
sometimes it feels like that this technology will drain me
like a disease, it can’t get off me
lust of dopamine traps never seems to cease
pills lookalike radiations always mess up my mind
not looking for love in these cold streets
intoxicated conscious and elevating senses
falsifying confidence, choking self-esteem
then we blame our heart for the wrongs
finding solace in sad songs, swallowing tears
with the weight of the world on the head don’t blame
whilst ignoring lovers yet getting bullied by cowards
is that the way we prioritize our choices?
all of the skies are singing our melancholy: blue;
wounds are left open so stop, sit and breathe
pressure on the head is high and so the heart is heavy
running out of parts of speeches to describe the love needed
emptying the suffering on the paper
wrenching censorship and pulling out my reticence
erupting insecurities, rupturing soul under the sunken bones
breathing toxin, exhaling incense
degrading, decaying and dislocating psyche
all this to percolate the infected nostalgic chronicles
chronicles that take me back to the merry days
but now refrains me to hate them even more
so why should I waste my words now
when it’s the only belonging I got
holding, knitting and bringing them to life
like fresh air to breathe it’s a therapy that works for me
born out innocent, turned into a narcissist
plucked the flower written love on it
thorns carved the scars out of my heart
recovery tattooed on my brain since then
lips stitched with trauma yet blabbering
moving with bones and wearing skin on it
mustering my heart, fueling my brain
can’t quit too soon, maturity couldn’t let me be
now as the years will go on
I’ll not seek anyone to paint my canvas like mind
blue my mind, green my heart, black my soul
heal it, immerse in it, diffuse saneness in my blood
pretending so hard
we’re not what we used to be
trying to fit amongst them just for identity
modernity has ruined the person out of us
seeking love in the eyes of a stranger
lusting through the lover’s eyes
lonely conscious with friends in a place aside
then we go home and cry all night
maturity seized the sense out of us
then we curse growing up
pleasing the pleasers, deteriorating conscience
unethical experimenting yet blaming the science
we grow out to become more realistic with age than we ever were, over time we realize that it’s not necessary that every day you have to bloom up to the stars and it’s definitely okay to shed tears at midnight’s to let things out.
“you can cry your heart loud”
reacting to obnoxious bodies.
yell the heckin’ loud and let your friends be bitchin’ about that.
it’s okay if someone refers to you as a weirdo or somewhat make the comment regarding your behavior and body.
who are they?
listen up, they are just in their comfort zone making people nervous and seeking happiness out of it which is no good to them in the longer run.
“don’t think about them”
suffering from “being nice” disease.
there will be days when you were lying on the bed and worrying about trying to make everyone around you happy and cursing yourselves about your failed attempt to do so.
it is necessary to know that to whom you’re giving your efforts and energy to, are these people even worthy of all these or just these are traitors that will stab you in the back in the future.
“take it easy” approach.
introspect yourselves but don’t self-destruct, don’t get consumed in making those people happy who have no value of you.
understand your worth, they don’t matter to your lives!
last night I screamed at the devil
told him to back on and never come back
gathered all my guts to confront him
mustered up all my nerves to tear him down
his reaction wasn’t any surprising
held me by my neck raised me up
stabbed me few times as if I’ve committed severe crimes
the pity of him didn’t know I was backed up with my courage armor
truth firebombs were too heavy for him to take
the arrogant monster fell on the ground seeing my faith that day
we both smiled until my exploited pure demon punched him to abolition
devil bled and left for good, turned back in vain and never came back