That last day of the holiday.

You have started with plans and stuff and things and whatnot. then there comes the lazy-holiday-vibes
and you suddenly saw bed covered with your favorite bed sheets on which your favorite food is placed, you like a baby panda ate it all then sleepy vibes (food>sleep>life).

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you wake up next morning with a low vibe thinking someone will make breakfast for you (inner-feeling guys!)
but during brushing your teeth you realize life is hard and then you have to make breakfast for yourself.
you completed brushing then head to the kitchen for some breakfast stuff but then you realize it’s a holiday and you have the whole day to do stuff, guess what happens next?

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Image Sources: Google Images

Yes, you’re right. Thought of a short nap comes into your mind and bed (your beloved friend) approaches you like
“Come, darling, why you’re procrastinating?” then as lazy infant baby after he/she feeded with milk from the mother,
you again successfully trapped in the web.

Then after the short nap when you wake up again, you realize that it’s not even a short nap it’s a hecking quarter of sleep.
It’s not even a time for breakfast. It’s a time for lunch. but in this case, you’re ahead because (guess-what>?) you don’t have to make lunch because it’s all ready. *sigh*

one task that is lunch is done, then you realize it’s the above mid-half the day and you have not accomplished anything yet
so in a rush to complete things you rush out to do stuff. Suddenly *phone-rings* it’s 21 new messages on WhatsApp, 13 new Instagram notification, and 43 other notifications. In the curiousness to know what’s social-media has in store you rigorously start checking these notifications replying to messages,
ignoring some messages *eh! issues right?* violent scrolling through Instagram posts, commenting back on the memes and stuff that your friend tagged you in
and tagging in memes that you found really laughable. Then there come your friends (the ground breakers, the rock stars and *some great strong words*) who are exploring lots of places putting pictures on social media platforms then you introspects yourself and realizes what the heck you’re doing here. *creepy silence*

 

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Now it’s time somewhere near evening, but as a lazy sloth as you are *everyone(not your stud friends) is like a sloth on their holidays* you still are in the trauma of your
stud friends Facebook posts and saying yourself sort of things and deep things. *loser vibes* then suddenly a message comes from your friend saying ‘Hey! come to market. Let’s have some fun.’ *fun what you said? FUN* then you went to the market, at this time you are in less trauma than before as you are out seeing some
people having fun in reality and not on these devices which run on batteries which are charged by batteries. BUT. there come to your stud friends *ruining out the scene*
telling their trip experiences that you are avoiding for some time.

After having this it’s almost dark out there *time to go home* with the dank face you head to home.
Finally, something beautiful happens at home your mom is ready for some food *some hope arises* and you attack the food like MONSTER starving for days.
Avoiding all things at once, you go to the bed and suddenly you traverse in sweet dreams and DANG! sleep.

This routine goes on and on and on… *EAT-SLEEP-EAT*

At last, last day of holidays comes. *having any regrets, eh!?*

 

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Abusive Dominance (Rich/Poor/Powerful)

fed up with all, no one to share,
fake government and corrupt mayors.
those who raise their voices are beaten to death
no one to listen, everybody is under demeanor threat.

so tell us please, what can we do?
is there something that you cannot do!
you are the creator, you are the destroyer
why are these dictators ruling like it’s their everlasting empire?

poor are getting assaulted by those in powers,
one doesn’t have food to eat while the others are taking money showers!
where do I run to left all this mechanism?
sick of these tendencies where everywhere is a cataclysm.

oh divine! how can we be pure?
is there something you can tell so that we’d be sure.
our happiness cures all of our wounds,
but how can we be happy when there is-
noises noises noises everywhere how can one hear your sound.

forget about global warming these people will eat us alive
rapes, murder, robbery, assassination everywhere. how to survive?
money rules all, power is a slave
those days were better when we used to live in a cave.

Tired of being tired. (Summer’17 Experience)

So as the summers ’17 are on and everybody out there having fun, uploading some
good stuff on their social media handle. me, as usual, lying on my bed watching some Netflix stuff, drinking lots of tea, sleeping more than usual, changing routine to fit in, avoiding social media (*sigh*) stuck in the cycle of sleeping–eating–sleeping I am happy but at the same time I am not. *Journal got me like, ah!*
I am okay but it’s not okay. I am tired of being tired, you?

These repetitive loops got me like damn, I am in the trap of dopamine reward system again and i am stuck like what the heck. but as said everything comes up with a learning and this summer also brought up something although it’s kinda boring you can learn something even from nothing. (well said!)

Here are my learning:
1) There is nothing permanent thing in this universe.
everything you come across has its manufacturing and expiration date. you all are on limited license taken from God.
(Fear God) sounds weird but you have to deal with it.

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2) Talk with yourself.
who can be a better friend of yours than yourself? so be kind to at least yourself!
it could be fun at the moment and also at times, you realize that how crazy you could be with your imagination. (wild imagination! :D)
create scenarios in your head and go with the flow there is beauty in there. at least sometimes.
Funny truth: a best friend is that who is there at your worst of the time, if you treat yourself as your best friend then at least you have got your back at least *fake claps*

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3) Don’t Blame Yourself. Take it Easy!
don’t blame yourself for shitty reasons and don’t feel low if you are being compared to some
intelligent peep around your neighborhood by your parents. (friend. I got you!)

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4) Be shameless.
ever thought? who’s gonna laugh on you when you are no more here! for the time you are here on the earth. never fall in the web of thinking that if someone calls you shameless then you are degraded and so.
you are here for a limited time so don’t waste your time in impressing people with your fake image.
(by saying shamelessly I am not supporting the thing that you are teasing your society girls! damn. you jerk himp!)

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5) Listen to your parents.
–they are your real friends at the end of the day. no matter how rude they are at sometimes.
they are the real sweethearts who are working their ass of to fetch you stuff and food.
no one will bear your arrogance like them. (man! they brought up you in the damn universe, at least give some respect)

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So that’s all. what are your summer experiences you smart intelligent headed handsome buddies out there?
At last, trying not to be tired of being tired *some troll image*
Happy Summers xx

 

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Introversion

But when things are simple and sorted
all those fairy tales seems to be true
with all the purity of the soul
where should I go?

I am happy to become the person I thought
but when I see around now i see nobody.
nobody holding me.
nobody is there.
where should I go?

all my practices to alone seem useless
the further I go, the more closely they come
the more I trust, the faster they broke.
so pissed off from people I thought the dark room will be my forever friend
but this darkness suffocates me now and again the question comes, where should I go?

I wanna run wild, become the child but I am no more innocent,
forgive me for the sins!
I am tired of trying. trying too hard.
I tried so hard that I lost my all hopes.
I see dreams in quiet night of all the goods but when eyes open the same shattered place comes.
colliding opinions, screwed life.
how much more mistakes will i have to commit until i reach oblivion state.
how am I doing all alone?
finding life in lyrics of those 90′ songs.
I am getting nowhere! let me be lost.
(i will be better someday)

Modern Day Dumping Ground.

Ever felt that you are the always one in the group/family whom everyone tells or ask out for all of their problems and issues. Are you the most reliable person everyone finds shelter in you to tell their things?

Things and scenario have changed and so is the people. when they need it they come when the don’t need you they don’t even bother you. You’re just DUMPING GROUND for them.

You can’t change the way how things work but still, you put all your efforts in order to solve their problems, but what about the mess going in your own head? No one bothers right! No one really does.
Everyone thinks you’re everyone’s favorite and your life is pretty sorted, eh?
They don’t even know how dark you’re behind the bars, inside the depth of the tensed soul! You’re screwed up.
Every time you trust someone or tell your things to someone they got fade away from your life, you find shelter in anyone easily thinking they’ll there in your bad time but they don’t. that’s how you been all your life. (laughing on self)
Just a DUMPING GROUND. yes! you’re.

Tired of trusting people, Hiding frustration in those fake smiles which you give. no one recognizes the pain! uh.
This Dumping Ground within us made us the people of stone and made our hearts just a pumping organ inside our animal type body. yes, “animal” suits us. we are. we are no less than animals!

why you are so weak at the time to even pick up the call. why you fumble telling the things?
you are the one sitting in the corner of every event. being alone makes you happy.
you’re always the one to ask out to leave out from a crowded place but you always enjoy wandering around the silent places around the corner of the sea, watching the stars in the night and thinking and thinking and thinking…

but living like you’re broke will not do you any good it’ll take you down anytime you wanna go high it’ll bring you down my buddy! Trust your soul, have faith in yourself. You are more than “Public-Pleaser”, don’t fall for people  so hard that they forget to respect you and treat you like rubbish.

Have courage and remember that it’s nothing wrong to take some time to be yourself.
We’re all little bit screwed up but we can heal ourselves and you know what you’re more than your anxieties and mental issues and you should be happy sometimes and all the times. xx

 

Aching Heart.

Everyone comes with a reason and every reason is not necessary but we take everything to ourselves and attach it to our hearts.
we pour our feelings to that thing that we shouldn’t and just like that we ache our hearts.
when they need us they come and stay and play with our emotions but what about us?
we are used every time. but when we need them they’re not there. why?
why is that when we need some light in our dark souls no one is there to give some?
when we are thirsty no one is there to give some water?
when we are hopeless, no one is there to give some hope. even a little one.

just like any other feelings we all feel lonely, shattered, heartbroken and what not. streams and streams of complex mixed emotions
sometimes it haunts us and sometimes we all are too numb to feel it.
but what will happen if we are too numb to feel the senses? ever happened you’re so obsessed with something and suddenly some haunting fears confront you to leave your obsession. just like the newly felt love you’re feeling for someone, just like losing something that is close to you, like falling from height to deep-down low into the water. Ever felt like letting go of your breathe when you’re woken up?
these questions are not imaginary, these are sharp nails that are aching our hearts and will ache it till we face these questions.

we keep on imagining things that will sometimes never happened. Never. we all are too weak to face the actual situation and if someone tells us that they are not afraid of something to trust me, my friend, they are lying. we all have some fears, more or less.

ever felt the struggle to compact the issue you’re facing to transform it into the words? why we breaks into tears when someone touches the weaker
side of us? why we think the person should stay with us. This is because we are too weak emotionally, we all are.

ever happened that you relate to one song so damn real that you end up crying. do love it when you pour your heart out it to someone?
do you really need that someone? does fear of losing someone haunts you? what is that feeling is all about?

real or fake, we all need someone to talk with. we are a river of so so many thoughts and also are flooded with many emotions. on controlling so much our control of calmness may explode. ever felt letting go of our nerve controls? when you’re not thinking to do something but your mind is constantly forcing you to do it. ever heard the scream your aching heart that is forcing you to lay down and never wake up…

Wired or Weird?

It’s been a long I’ve written or posted something. So well let’s get started.
I want to write about something usual yet very underrated topic.

So, It’s Summer’17 already and you all guys are having vacation chill, right?

We spend all of our days staring, scrolling and checking our social handles updates, don’t we?
We put our mobile phones aside then again we switch out to TV sets, right?
From one side to other we are thirsty, hungry and lustful for the things that keep us WIRED.

Where gone the feelings?
Where are the emotions?
Why we reside on the fully-charged mobile handset batteries to drain our souls?
Why don’t we talk, Why don’t we share a sweet walk?

Questions then Arguments. No answers I hear. 
Fear and Anxiety are the familiar clothes I wear!

We are losing human touch, there is something we are collectively doing wrong. We don’t ask now how the other person is feeling, we are self-obsessed human flesh now.
It’s not only the technology stuff that is making us WIRED. We are wired by our expectations, our emotions, and our feelings.
There is well-defined never ending trap of greediness that doesn’t make us get out of this vicious, toxic and disturbing trap.
Unusual comparisons, Society-View, Status? Eh! Do these things are greater than any human beings?

Do you know, how it feels like when one person is forced to pursue the thing that he doesn’t like? It’s like giving guns to an artist in place of brushes. BUT Damn! Society still wants that person to become Artist by using guns. huh? what kind of society is this?

How do we move independently from our bad thoughts if we are WIRED? We’re locked in. We’ve lost the keys somewhere.
There is no one to help. Who will hear our voices when there is no one. Who will heal our wounds when we are alone?
Where do we run when there is thorn all through the path? How do we get rid of this embedded wire on our hearts, mind, and soul?

Help me breathe as this wire is choking my senses. I can’t think clear as everything is a blur. I’m all the way sweaty, frustrated and helpless but I have act strong as the society doesn’t accept weak peoples. Why live in the society then?
What type of tradition is it? Are we living it right?

WIRED or Weird?
We are WIRED by the Weird Society. xx

Not that Weak.

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Scared from the winds that touch my cheek,
Why am that weak?
Scared of the things that they say to me,
Why am that weak?

Hesitation in saying the thing I want?
Forget about lust, I don’t have any demand.
Anticipation on my own about myself
I don’t have faith in myself.
Questions in my mind…
Who will answer?
Who will understand?

I am just little bit broke,
But don’t worry I won’t choke.
I’m not that weak!
Just faking emotions,
Hiding in the darkness.
I’ve just settled my hope so high,
My legs are so heavy, I can’t fly.

Shattered from Inside,
Scattered from Outside.
My heart ponders,
And my soul sigh. *eh!*

But you know what,
I’m not that weak.
Nah! I’m not weak. I’m neither any less.
I just need some time, some space, and someone. xx

Unknown Strange Feeling (Dear Crush)

This blog is written in perspective of a boy/girl who is touched by the feeling of unknown love.

I am pretty normal average kind of person. I am humorous sometimes , SOMETIMES. Touched from teenager feelings, I too have feelings (Don’t know why?)

Maybe I’m too dull. Why do I feel like I am losing something all over time? Why I cannot say what I want because I fear about unknown issues. Why I feel affection towards someone then try to let go the feeling considering that they will ignore you! Eh! I just can’t control all these feelings. I am better on my own, maybe.

Noticing each other, stalking all day long but don’t want to tell each other things just because you fear you’ll lose friendship too. It sucks.  I know it does. But the pleasure to talk or interacting with them is too damn comforting.

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You feel lost. You feel better. You think that everything is good and better than ever.

But after some time, loneliness comes back and takes control. The process of stalking starts once again!

Maybe I’m not right for you, maybe it’s all fear. But for how long I’ll stay the same.

For how long can I love or think about someone who doesn’t even know about my feelings. But don’t know why I have a deep feeling that you think the same.

You do have a feeling. It is strange feeling altogether. Sometimes painful, Sometimes relaxing.

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When you’re all ready to speak to that person about your feelings. You both are ready. ^_^

Then there comes the fear of people. Ah! 😦

What to do? What will people say? How do they react? Will they compliment or complaint?

Will they try to break your relation or will they support you? All these mixed up signals had you confused so bad.

Is it normal that you find reasons to talk to one individual person? Is it normal you want their attention only and nothing else matters? Is it okay?

Fear, Insecurities, Confusion! Eh! Why so?

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Image Source: Google Images

This is some other unknown strange feeling that you can’t share it with somebody and also you just can’t keep it to our own. *sigh*

Days passed on, they still stalk each other the same way. No one of them ready to come over and speak about the issue. Why this?

Before Sleeping, you just think about them. Next morning, when you woke up then goes to college/school thinking about them wildly. Finding things to share. Finding reasons to talk. This isn’t normal feeling.

My dear crush. I know we’re both feeling the same things. Just hold on everything will be alright.

You don’t have to worry about me to stalk other boys or girls, they may be prettier than you but you’re the one that I have chosen, getting it right?

I just can’t get how people directly express their feelings without any hesitation. I even have to find reasons to talk to you. -_-

Stay wherever. Stay in Touch. You’re precious and yeah you matter. 🙂

-Your part-time Stalker. xx

Random Diary Page of Teenager (Short)

Random thoughts all over my mind,unanswered question, self-doubts, listening to same songs over and over again, thinking and thinking and thinking about things I can’t change.

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Fearing, escaping. Becoming dull and odd as ever. What’s going on? What am I doing? I don’t know.
Then I am doing things I don’t wanna do. Sleepy all over time. Is it me?

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Lying all day on the bed all over the night, don’t want to talk to anybody, don’t want to do anything.
Then there comes, Toxic and two-faced people. Eh! How to handle them? How to confront?
For how long I can act fake? For how much time I need to be alone?
I can’t function like this for now. I need change. I want freedom from myself. I am something. I don’t want to look like them, I don’t need to be like them.
Give me the power to confront, Give me the courage to open up. Give me freedom from myself.
Let’s take a moment to be whatever you are. Be what you see yourself as when you feel lost.

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Don’t change yourself for people. This Generation is becoming so toxic. You’re not the only one who is trapped inside this cage. Me too. In fact, every one of us.
Ever saw a rag-pickers in the fields? See their faces when they work all day and at the end of the day when they spent their money to feed their stomach, Ever saw the smile on their faces?
How can you trust the compliments of people so damn blindly? People generally compliments you according to their mood. They say good things about you when they are in a good mindset.
Similarly, when they are on the low vibe, they say things which affect your mood. It is a process.

Who can answer my all these questions:

  • In the world full of toxicity, Where I can find peace?  
  • Where gone the healers?
  • Is there anyone who can sooth my heart and make feel alright?
  • Is there anyone who can understand the confusion, pain, emotions behind my fake smile?
  • Is there someone who can hug me tight and say “Everything is gonna be alright”.
  • Is there someone who can accept me the way I am?
Am I that bad? No dear. No way, you’re special.
You just made an image in your mind according to your experiences.

-Just a random teenager dude. xx

Image Source: Google Images